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The CIA, NSA, and Pokemon Go?

The CIA, NSA, and Pokemon Go?
by Kevin Kostiner on 09-23-2016 at 12:00 pm

 So it’s finally out, the truth about Pokemon Go (and probably the rest of the app based mobile gaming world) and it’s a shocking, painful truth that will pretty much destroy the industry and force people back to their sedentary, solitary lives in front of their computers. And just as the average weight of an American was starting to drop. So sad! Before continuing, you need to read the below article for context

The CIA, NSA and Pokemon Go
Bryan Lunduke, NETWORKWORLD from IDG

So Pokemon Go is really a CIA covert opp. Personally, I’m shattered. I had finally come to the acceptance that it was safe, once again, to be outside and involved in the augmented reality world that we live in.

So from the shocking facts exposed in this article about Pokemon Go, one can infer all of the following:


  • The US military can recruit on high school campuses…whether parents agree to this or not! To be different, the CIA is using mobile gaming to secretly identify potential recruits…so what’s wrong with that? Imagine 13 year old covert operatives working in Iran, how innovative!
  • Pokemon Go is actually a covert means for the CIA to track your past and present movements while learning all about your daily habits.
  • Edward Snowden’s trove of NSA data actually includes the great Pokemon Go conspiracy, he’s just too busy hunting for a Charizard in Russia to release those pages.
  • The CIA can read, modify and delete any files on your device through the game. So what’s wrong with that. You have too many photos on it anyway. The government pretty much takes care of everyone anyway, why not let them manage your storage issues as well!
  • The camera on your device is now an extension of the CIA’s vast monitoring network. Consider it your civic duty in helping protect your community as you capture another Mewtwo in the neighborhood park.
  • Since the CIA can also see what you’re looking at right now while knowing exactly where you are, consider the importance of spending more time in front of your computer and NOT outside! Maybe being inactive and overweight has it’s advantages. Thank you CIA!
  • The CIA will know what you look like…all the time. So no more going the entire day without brushing your hair and making yourself presentable. Don’t be selfish, consider the impact on CIA case agents having to see your unkempt face every day.
  • While the CIA will monitor everything about you through the game they will also have intimate knowledge on where the best Pokemon are located since they’re monitoring them as well. So follow your phones lead and it will take you to all the right places.
  • It’s good manners to show gratitude to the CIA every time you level up in the game. So periodically whisper a thank you into your phone….they’ll hear you!

    Pokemon Go is only one of many mobile gaming apps. Consider how busy the CIA must be right now trying to manage their covert operations across so many platforms. You may want to take seriously their recruiting efforts and apply for a job at the agency. Who knows, you might get the master key to all Pokemon as you spy on gamers around the world. Now that would be fun!

    Postscript: Note to CIA monitor who just read this post….I’m joking!!! Hopefully the CIA has a sense of humor!

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